Too Much

Jun. 4th, 2014 07:49 pm
redback_bites23: rainbow blanket (Default)
[personal profile] redback_bites23
I’ve decided to write a list of things I’ve done or that have happened to me in the last 10 years. There’s a lot. I’m tired and worn out and at the end of my tether. I need to see why. Many of these can be broken down further. They are not in any kind of order.

Trigger warning. mental health and sexual assault

I came out as lesbian.
I left my husband.
I moved house 4 times.
I ran Stepping Out for women questioning their sexuality for 7 years.
I ran two drag king workshops.
I performed as a drag king for 7 years.
I started burlesque and have been doing that for four years.
I had many coffee dates with women, I had no idea what was going on.
I met my first girlfriend.
I am still with said girlfriend, 7 years later.
I watched my husband fall apart after I left him.
I watched my husband’s health deteriorate until he reached a point of being on a disability pension.
I watched my husband become homeless.
I came out as polyamorous.
I met other women and had my first ‘second’ girlfriend.
I had other interests in other women.
My first girlfriend had other girlfriends.
I was separated from my cat and reunited with my cat.
My cat died.
One of my closest friends suicided.
I met many people in the queer community.
I changed jobs four times.
I met another woman who I developed a relationship of meaning with.
I had a long distance relationship.
I travelled out of Australia for the first time as a grown up, and went to New Zealand numerous times.
I adopted two cats.
I had a number of friends, all in the same year suffer severely from mental health issues.
My dad had a minor surgical procedure that went wrong and could have died.
I wrote a thesis, and achieved a masters degree.
I bought a little yellow dog for my Girlfriend.
I was sexually assaulted, by another woman. I didn't get any help for a long time and I told few people.
My partner and I went through a decision making process around having a baby.
My partner and I tried to have a baby, but stopped after about 6 months.
I have been sick for about 3 ½ years.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
I have been suicidal and used to think about driving very fast into a hard object.
I have seen no less that about 15 different doctors in the last two years.
I have had three different ultrasounds on my reproductive system.
I have had an ultrasound on my bladder and kidneys.
I have had a CT scan on my sinuses.
I have been to an immunologist and had allergy tests.
I have had multiple blood tests.
I won two community Pride Awards.
I won an award from the AIDS Action Council for my engagement of women through doing Stepping Out.
I have realised I am gender fluid and currently identify as queer.
I had to step down from a job because I was too unwell to perform my duties.
I had one art exhibition which was a joint show.
I had a solo art exhibition.
I organised a drag king performance night ‘Get Your King On’.
I have been interviewed on ABC Radio three times by Genevieve Jacobs.
I ran Gap Group for three years.
I was on the board of the Youth Coalition of the ACT.

My identity is a work in progress.

Date: 2014-06-04 04:11 pm (UTC)
ironed_orchid: pin up girl reading kant (Default)
From: [personal profile] ironed_orchid
That's a lot of things happen, and a lot of changes made.

From what I can see, you seem to be making progress on health and work stuff. But it doesn't surprise me that things can still get on top of you and feel overwhelming.

Here on dreamwidth, two communities that I have found really helpful are [community profile] fucking_meds and [community profile] bitesizedcleaning. In both cases, these are spaces where I never feel like I have to justify my lack of energy, or explain why getting simple stuff done around the house can feel like a major achievement.


redback_bites23: rainbow blanket (Default)

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